Court Transcript: Mark Oldman Court Appearance for Carrying an Empty Bottle of Bordeaux Wine (Funny)

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Actual court transcript: wine writer Mark Oldman sent to criminal court for carrying an empty, 40-year-old bottle of Bordeaux he was saving as a souvenir. For more on the liberation of Oldman, please see:
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  1 CRIMINALCOURT OFTHE CITYOFNEW YORKCOUNTYOFNEW YORKPART SAP1 2--x THEPEOPLEOF THE STATEOFNEW YORK, -against-:5MARK OLDMAN,6Defendant.: -X 1100 CentreStreetINew York,NewYork 100139January28,2AII10B E F OR E:1-1 THE HONORABLEJOHNDELURY, Judg:eL2 A P PE A R. ANCE S:13 FORTHE DEFENDANT: DocketNo.:2077SN0098181415 t-b 171819 ZU 2!2223 L.+ 25 JEDPHILWIN,ESQ.401BroadwayNew York,New York10013Attorneyfor Defendant  Proceedi-ngsCOURT OFFTCER: Mark Oldman, Docketending 9818,2 open alcoholcontainer. MR. PHILWIN:JedPhilwin.What kind of4alcohol, Judge? Move to dismiss, facially5 insufficient. THE COURT: What was this?THB DEFENDANT:Itwasan emptybottle ofB A0-year-oldbordeaux I was taking asa souvenir.f'ma9 w-newriter.The of f i-cer thoughttherewassomething10 inthe bottle. He started writing upthe ticket. I'm11a well-known winewri-ter.14the bottleas a souvenir. ft was a 40-Vear-old bottle.15I have itdownstairs.They woul-dn'tlet me bring itL6up. 1aLI THECOURT: Let megetthisstraiqht.Your18jobistogoaround drj-nking wine all darrz LL 13 IY 20about it. )1 zz2324consuming wine? THE COURT: A well-known what?THE DEFENDANT: Wine writer.I was takinq THE DEFENDANT: Yes, itis; and writingTHECOURT: Before or after vou drink it?THEDEFENDANT: A fittle of each.THE COURT: What'syourrecord in one day of LJ THE DEFENDANT: ft' squaliLy, notquantity.  ProceedingsIIt'snoL about drinking as much asyoucan. 2 3 trxnrc5gJ A(nnnrl JY THECOURT: Have vou ever seen Nioht TrainTHE DEFENDANT: I l-ove it. Does a bodvTHE COURT: Whopays youto drink wine? I7know a lot ofguysthat would like thatjob.B9 of books.101172THE DEFENDANT: Mypublisher.TheV do a 1otTHE COURT:That'sagoodpictureofyou.THE DEFENDANT: You can have i-t.THE COURT No, thankyou.So thepublj-sher THE DEFENDANT: Exactlv.THECOURT:Howdidyou getto be an expert 13pays youtogoaround drinking wine?L4THE DEFENDANT: Absolutely,t.hey do.They15 trust myjudgment.L6THE COURT: Ifyouendorse acertainwine,L1 what happensto thatwine;dopeoplebuy it?1BL920in drj-nking wine? f'mlooking for a anothercareer.2I I'mgoingto retire. 22 THE DEFENDANT: We11,youknow,practice23makesperfect,and somepeoplehave a nose for it. f24 have agoodsizenose. You'vegottosmell and taste25 differentthinos.  1234 tr J 61B910 111a LL 13 L.l 151,6 r'7 lx 192027222324 2tr, ProceedingsTHECOURT: You'renotFrench?THEDEFENDANT:Thankfullynot. I IICT V C bookspublishedin French,though,whichisfunny.AnAmerican publishingbooks in Frenchislike aTHECOURT:Ifyouaregoingto buy wj-neandstick itinawarehouse,whatkind ofwine would youbuv?THE DBFENDANT:Specialstuff,youmean?Likethekindf hadthe botttewith,oldbordeaux.Only twopercentofthe world'swinegetsbetter withage. Peoplethinkany wineimproves,butonlytwopercentdoesrso redbordeauxis agoodbet.THECOURT:There'syourbookback, fortherecord,andf'11dismissthe case.THEDEFENDANT:Thankyou,Judge.Certifiedand accuratetranscriptGabriel-l-eSkolom,OfficialCourt Reporter
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