It Gets Better: Hampton in Oakland (Full Version)

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This is the Full Version of my It Gets Better video essay, which can be watched at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLc1c6THrTY . Growing up a feminine boy in a conservative, Christian home in North Carolina made for a very difficult childhood. Read to discover more about my journey, and what I've learned along the way.
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  Nt Mits FittirDn, ly ecli ns Dclpt`e cej N wcet t` tiaa y`u cf`ut d`w rica   cej trui tdi pdrcsi ‑Nt Mits Fittir“ ns t` li. Cej wdnai N j`, N„l m`nem t` frnem up s`li `k tdi prnvnaimis N dcvi `li t` uejirstcej tdct surr`uej lcey mcy lcai„s i!pirniei ne tdi #. N w`r$ lud fittir wdie N wrntitdnems j`we %rst& s` nk N s`uej an$i N„l ricjnem, nt„s ficusi N cl.Nt ns c prnvnaimi t` fi f`re c mcy lce wd` dcs lcsuanei fidcvn`rs cejtrcnts, wdnd caa`w dnl t` pcss cs strcnmdt wdieivir di s` d``sis.  'di rist `k us mcy f`ys sii c jn(iriet snji `k tdi w`raj. )i sii tdi snji tdct jitists tdi snmdt, tdi s`uej, tdi spnrnt `k c kilnenei lce. )i ficr tdi furjie `k pi`pai„s `lliets, *`$is, nesuats, s`(s cej iyi r`aas + cej `e t`p `k d`w pi`pai rict, wi„ri surr`uejij fy c w`raj `k cjvirtnsiliets wdnd aicvi e` r``l t` fi ceytdnem `tdir tdce str`em, funat, t`umd, ac$nem cey wic$eiss. Cej ct tdi iej `k tdi jcy, nt j`ise„t lcttir wdct y`ur `rnietctn`e ns + nk y`u cri c muy wd` ‑cts an$ic mnra,“ y`u pr`fcfay $e`w d`w un$ay c sntuctn`e ce m` kr`l -t`tcaay %ei„ t` kiianem an$i y`u *ust wcet t` sricl cej rue kcr cwcy.N dcvi cawcys fiie c kilnenei f`y. y v`ni ns dnmdir/pntdij cej ecsca, ly lceeirnsls cri s`kt cej jcnety, ly pirs`ecanty ns vnfrcet cej swiit, ly netirists cri ri7itnvi cej rictnvi. N dcvi eivir ie*`yij finem cmmrissnvi, r`wjy, `r ruji. N mriw up ne rurca pcrts `k 3`rtd 6cr`anec, uetna N wcs tdnrtiie& cej ly kilnenei spnrnt jnj e`t %t ne cl`em tdi `tdir $njs + ct sd``a `r ne durd y`utd mr`ups. N dcj c `upai `k muy krniejs wdie N wcs ? `r :, wi a`vij t` pacy vnji` mclis. Cej tdie tdiy stcrtij wcetnem t` m` pacy k``tfcaa jurnem riiss9cej N  *ust wcetij t` dcem `ut fy tdi swnems cej tca$ cf`ut tdi eiw Fc$striit F`ys caful. #` wi st`ppij finem krniejs, cej N *`neij tdi mnras. 3`t `eay jnj N ‑ct an$i c mnra,“ N `eay kiat `lk`rtcfai dcemnem `ut  wntd  mnras. N wcs tdi `eay muy ne ly mrcji ;pirdcps ly sd``a= tdct dcj`eay mnras k`r krniejs. Cej k`r tdi l`st pcrt, N trnij t` anvi ly anki wntd`ut lc$nem c fnm jica cf`ut nt. Fut tdie s`li`ei w`uaj scy s`litdnem t` li + nt wcs l`stay `ei `k tdi muys, catd`umd s`litnlis nt wcs `ei `k ly mnra krniejs + cej N w`uaj krii4i ne kicr. 'diy w`uaj tiaa li N ctij an$i c mnra, `r tdiy w`uaj cs$ wdy N dcem `ut wntd mnras caatdi tnli. N $eiw N wcs jn(iriet, fut dcvnem ly piirs spic$ nt cej caa li `ut `e nt ne kr`et `k iviry`ei lcji li kiia an$i N wcs c kric$ ;cej e`t ne tdi >cjy Mcmc, macl`r`us, wd`/cris $nej `k wcy=. Nt wcse„t a`em fik`ri tdi `lliets wiri ripacij wntd nesuats. N wcs caaij c -kcmm`t„ ne iailietcry sd``a, fik`ri N ivie $eiw wdct tdi w`rj licet. Ne td`si l`liets wdie f`ys w`uaj `utrnmdt tcuet li cej caa li eclis, N `uaj `eay tdne$ t` acsd fc$ cej ct `ut `k cemir + cttilptnem t` jikiej lysiak cej cas` dcaaiemi tdinr nlprissn`es `k li cs wic$ cej vuaeircfai. Cs tdisi nestceis ficli l`ri `ll`e, tdiri wiri kiw tnlis wdie N kiat `lpaitiay scki ne s`nca sittnems, pcrtnuacray cr`uej f`ys.Fut nt wcse„t *ust ct sd``a. y pcriets w`uaj caa li `ut `e wcys N fidcvij8 ‑2`e„t d`aj y`ur dcejs tdct wcy1“ ‑#t`p wca$nem an$i tdct1  <`u a``$ an$i c uiir1“ 5vie wdie N w`uaj pacy pritiej wntd ly snstir cej cssuli tdi kilcai r`ai, ly l`l w`uaj scy, ‑2` y`u wcet t` fi ckcnry01“ N rililfir dir sd`utnem tdns ct li wntd c l`$nem dnmd/pntdij v`ni, i!cmmirctij anlp wrnsts, tnp/t`inem cr`uej an$i c fcaairnec. Cej ly pcriets wiri `estcetay prissurnem li t` lc$i l`ri muy krniejs + snmenem li up k`r sp`rts, `r durd ‑f`y s`uts,“ d`pnem tdct N w`uaj jivia`p netirists tdct l`st f`ys dcj, s` tdct N `uaj riacti t` tdil l`ri. N j`e„t $e`w d`w lcey tnlis ly l`l dcj li m` dcem `ut wntd ly jcj cs di dcemij tdi `na, `r w`r$ij ne tdi ycrj + d`pnem s`li `k dns lcsuanenty w`uaj ruf `( `e li.  y wcy `k finem, `k ctnem, `k m`nem cf`ut anki wcs `estcetay rntnn4ij cej lcji kue `k. #` lud s`, tdct N fimce netirecan4nem nt caa cej ficli l`ri cwcri cej rntnca `k tdnems cf`ut lysiak. Ct sud c y`uem cmi, N `uaje„t ivie `uet `e lysiak   k`r ricssurcei, sckity, cej ue`ejntn`eca a`vi. 'dct ns wdct nt wcs an$i t` mr`w up c kilnenei f`y. 'die, ct cf`ut : `r G, N stcrtij kiianem cttrctij t` irtcne f`ys ne ly acss + cej N $eiw tdns wcs `esnjirij ripuasnvi cej wr`em t` iviry snemai pirs`e ne ly anki. N dcj c tirrnfai sirit tdct `uaj eivir fi jns`virij. 5viry ticsi, iviry nesuat, iviry rnjnuai tdct wcs tdr`we ly wcy kiat an$i c pirs`eca cttc$ cmcnest ly cfnanty t` dnji tdct N wcs cttrctij t` f`ys. N wcs ckrcnj `k dcvnem e` krniejs, `k finem tdi sd``a ‑d`l`,“ `k finem fict up. Fut N wcs ivie l`ri ckrcnj tdct ly pcriets w`uaj %ej `ut.Nt ns cas` c prnvnaimi t` fi f`re net` c kclnay cej `lluenty tdct ns pr`mrissnvi / finem surr`uejij fy pi`pai wd` cri wnaanem t` cipt ceja`vi c mcy f`y *ust cs di ns, wntd`ut nlp`snem tdinr njics `k ‑e`rlca“ `r‑rnmdt“ `r ‑M`j„s )naa“ `et` dnl.ur kclnay wiet t` durd sivirca tnlis c wii$, prcyij fik`ri licas, cej fianivij tdi Fnfai t` fi tdi `ei cej `eay )`rj `k M`j. N wcs necjvirtietay fr`umdt up fianivnem tdct finem mcy ns `lpcrcfai t` finem c pij`pdnai8 nt„s c `ejntn`e tdct `eay isus ce nlpr`vi, ca`em wntd c ankitnli `k `llntliet cej jitirlnectn`e.#` N wcs cumdt ne c `euejrul + wdct N kiat cf`ut f`ys siilij s` nestnetnvi cej prnlca, fut wdct N fianivij cs c 6drnstnce t`aj li N wcs nejuamnem ne factcet sne `e c `estcet fcsns. Nt wcse„t *ust c siorit   N wcsdnjnem kr`l iviry`ei + nt wcs c fcttai N k`umdt nesnji, wntd`ut cey rist.  N td`umdt N `uaj dnji ly sirit kr`l tdi w`raj k`rivir, `r ct aicst uetnaN dcj aicreij d`w t` ‑%! nt“ + 9fut tdie ly pcriets k`uej `ut. N wcs nesn!td mrcji ;*ust iaivie yicrs `aj=. y l`l k`uej c *`ureca ietry N dcjwrnttie cej actir rnppij up, p`$itij, cej k`rm`ttie t` tdr`w cwcy. 'di%rst sietiei ricj, ‑2icr i, N tdne$ N cl mcy.“ cej wcs k`aa`wij fy li jisrnfnem ly strummais, cej anstnem ly f`y rusdis. N rililfir snttnem wntd ly pcriets ne tdi anvnem r``l `ei enmdt, cej ly l`l sd`wij li tdi pcpir sdi dcs tcpij t`mitdir. N kiat caa tdi fa``j aicvi ly kci, N rce t` tdi fctdr``l cej tdriw up ne tdi t`nait wdnai s`ffnem.y l`l aiceij `vir li cej caaij li jnsmustnem. #di caaij li c pirvirt. N t`aj tdil N wcs wnaanem t` dcemi, cej N licet nt. N rnij caa enmdt cs ly pcriets prissij li k`r l`ri nek`rlctn`e cej mrnlcij ct li an$i N wcse„t ivie tdinr s`e.y l`l jinjij pufan sd``a wcs tdi rics`e N ‑td`umdt“ N wcs ‑c d`l`si!uca“ + wntd caa nts w`rajay cej snekua ne7uieis. #` sdi puaaij li `ut ne tdi lnjjai `k tdi sd``a yicr cej stcrtij d`lisd``anem li. Cej N wcs d`lisd``aij uetna N mrcjuctij dnmd sd``a. )i l`vij wdie N wcs tdnrtiie, cej N lcji a`ts `k eiw krniejs ct durd cej d`lisd``anem ctnvntnis + fut tdi ticsnem jnje„t st`p, nt *ust ficli aiss `fvn`us. Fut N $eiw. 5viry tnli pi`pai wiri tca$nem cf`ut d`w N duem `ut wntd mnras, `r d`w N ctij mcy, N `uaj kiia ly kci nestcetay mr`w rij cej N kr`4i wntd kicr, w`rrnij cf`ut wdct tdiy wiri scynem cej wditdir tdct w`uaj `ekr`et li + `r nk tdiy w`uaj tiaa `tdirs. #`litnlis N w`uaj mit cee`yij cej cemry, fut N w`uaj stnaa fi scrij s`anj8 ‑)dct nk s`li`ei tiaas tdinr pcriets N„l mcy0 )dct wnaa dcppie nk tdiy tiaa ly l`l cej sdi $iips li kr`l ly krniejs0 r wi l`vi cmcne ficusi sdi„s csdclij0“
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